


Written in the stars

by Scoby



Series: Reylo experiments [9]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Angst, Canon Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Dark Rey (Star Wars), Engagement, Eventual Fix-It, F/M, Family, First Kiss, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Force Bond (Star Wars), Grandparents Rey / Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Happy Ending, Honeymoon, Implied Sexual Content, Love, Marine Biologist Chewbacca, Maz Kanata's Herb Closet, Motorless Electric Whipper, Reincarnation, Soulmates, Star-crossed, Suicide, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26642092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scoby/pseuds/Scoby
Summary: When you keep reincarnating with your soulmate from universe to universe, chasing a lifetime where to live happily ever after.-----“They’ll have to deal with it. Don’t you see? I don’t know what kind of hero complex you have, but you can’t make me happy by sacrificing yourself.”Ben’s mouth pinched into a thin line.“It’s easy to say that now, but once we’re there and all the memory of this is gone, it's not that easy to do. We can’t go on selecting lives where we’re put into sacrifice-provoking situations.”Both were silent for a while, idly skimming space and time, not finding anything particularly appealing. Rey’s attention settled on Ahch-To, and she smiled at the memories the planet evoked.“We were so close in the previous lifetime.”“Inthatone?”“Yes, we were so powerful. If you just wouldn’t have listened to Snoke, it would all…”“You think that would have been easy?”“How hard can it be to just say no, when somebody’s proposing something clearly evil?”
Relationships: Finn & Ben Solo, Maz Kanata & Rey, Paul Atreides & Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Han Solo, Rey & Rose Tico, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Unkar Plutt & Rey
Series: Reylo experiments [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1872295
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14





	1. Table of contents

**Author's Note:**

> Playlist for this fic:  
>   
> [Butterfly](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=st4zI_37JtU) by Rajaton  
>   
> [To Be Human](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6R7nB4GwhpY) by Sia feat. Labrinth  
>   
> [Minä ja hän (Me and him)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O81O1JF_ZfI) by Jenni Vartiainen:  
>  _Me and him, I know  
>  We share a soul  
> Me and him, I know  
> We have an eternal life_  
> 

The chapters of this fic are different lifetimes, so they work also as stand-alone fics. Here is a table of contents with brief descriptions, in case you want to jump to one of them in particular:

[2\. Earth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26642092/chapters/64968865)  
Historical AU, with powers

[3\. Exegol](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26642092/chapters/65015749#workskin)  
Almost canon compliant

[4.-5. Earth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26642092/chapters/65349124#workskin)  
Historical AU, loosely connected Three Musketeers vibes

[6\. Starkiller](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26642092/chapters/65772160#workskin)  
Canonverse with role reversal

[7\. Mars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26642092/chapters/65778100#workskin)  
AU with species change

[8\. Alderaan](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26642092/chapters/65836531#workskin)  
Canonverse, Ben and Rey live in the era of A New Hope

[9.-10. Earth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26642092/chapters/66009304#workskin)  
Summer camp AU - this is the cutest and my own favourite :)


	2. Earth

Palpatine held out his yellowed hand towards Ben and, without touching him, threw him in a wide arch over the ice. He fell into a spot where the ice was already thin enough to splinter at the impact. With a splash, he sank into the freezing water.

Then Palpatine turned to Rey and let a stream of blue lightnings out of all his fingertips towards her.

The electric shocks put her body into spasms. She knew she could not last long and gathered her legs into a final reeling sprint towards Palpatine. She forced her twitching hands under the last bits of her control, grasped her axe with both of them, forced it above her and stroke it down in the middle of his head.

They both fell down on the snow-covered ice - Palpatine with his head split in two and blood swarming out - Rey with unseeing eyes staring blankly at the sky.

Ben was sinking further down. His limbs were paralysed by the cold and his soaked clothes kept dragging him towards the lake bottom. Through the water, he could still feel Rey’s presence on top of the ice. It gave him hope that even if this would be his end, she would resist Palpatine and go on living in the happiness she deserved.

He had already ruined enough by turning against his parents and everything they stood for. After that, he had caused so much death and suffering that dying himself like this was hardly anything less than he deserved. At least in his final moments, he had got one more chance to fight alongside Rey for the good, and that could still end up mending some of his errors. The hope and gratitude gave him a sense of peace at the moment of facing his death.

Until he could not feel anything about Rey anymore.

Panicked, he knew that he had to get back to the surface, back on the ice to save her. He forced his half-frozen arms and legs to move and kick and paddle himself upwards. He could still see the light through the hole where he had fallen through the ice, and towards that he directed his one-pointed focus. At last, when he was just about to pass out, his head pierced the surface and his mouth opened into a giant gulp for air.

He fought his way to turn towards where he saw the fallen figures. With numb arms, he hammered the ice in front of him until he reached a point where he could not break it anymore. Then he gathered all his remaining force to climb on it. After sliding down a few times, he managed to get his leg steadily on it and roll up on his side. He continued rolling to protect the thin ice, then crawling, until he reached Rey.

He was shivering, but the coldness of his body was nothing compared to the coldness that conquered his heart when he saw Rey’s dead body on the snow. He cradled her in his arms and squeezed her against his chest. As a last resort, he placed his hand on her belly and started channelling life back in.

He poured everything from himself into her. He knew that she would need all of his life force to be able to live again, but it did not matter to him anymore. If Rey just would live, his own life would have been worth it.

When he sensed that it was done and he was losing it himself, he felt Rey’s hand move to touch his own and saw a light spark up in her eyes again. She looked straight into his eyes and, for the first time, they both smiled to each other - a peaceful, caring smile of relief, where they let out all the love they had had so few opportunities to express in life.

She lifted her hand to caress his face and then, pulled herself closer to kiss him. She smelled and tasted of blood after the fight, but her taste had a sweet undertone and her lips were soft, warm and forgiving. It was the best Ben had ever experienced – like finding home after years of imprisoned wandering.

When they broke apart, he could only softly laugh out of pure joy when he met Rey’s eyes that were filled with happiness – exactly what he had fought for. He cherished the final look at the most beautiful sight on Earth and held on to her hand before he fell on his back on the snow and let out his final breath.

Rey stared at his body in devastation and realised what had happened. She remembered she had killed Palpatine and died. And she knew that Ben had been ready to sacrifice himself so that she could still live. But it was way too bitter for her to bear.

Ben had just come back for her, like her parents never did. And he had done it as himself, not anymore enslaved by his master she had just killed. It had felt like she was united with a stray part of her soul. She could not imagine going back to a life without him anymore. So she decided to lay down next to him, rest her head on his shoulder and follow him.

* * *

She found him again on the other side. When he saw her, he knew right away what she had done, took her hands in his and shook his head.

“Rey, my dearest Rey, why did you do this? I wanted you to live. You had so much more to experience, so much happiness you deserved. And I was so grateful to you for giving me so much. I wanted to give you everything in my power.”

“Ben, I... I won’t be parted from you, not after everything. Life is not the same anymore without you.”

She dived into his arms for a hug. But it was far from what it would be if they were still in their bodies. Now they could only feel each other’s outlines, nothing of the warmth and life under the skin.

“This isn’t working”, Rey said after a while of trying to get used to it, disappointed.

“I know.”

“What do we do?”

“We have to be born again.”

“Ok, let’s see who are now pregnant in Inari, early enough so that the babies are still without a spirit.”

“Are you sure you want to go back to Inari? I mean, we could choose freely. Here, we’re not restricted by space or time.”

They looked at the lands that extended beyond Inari and the wilderness around it. The terrain seemed to be going on forever. From here, they could even see that if they would follow a certain direction over all the lands and seas it crossed, they would come back to the same spot. It had never occurred to them that the Earth they had lived their lives on could be a giant round ball.

When they looked even further, they saw how the Earth was moving through a vast emptiness of space and how all the stars they had seen on the sky were other planets and suns. And infinitely in all directions, there were more and more of these planets and suns that formed new star systems and galaxies.

“You’re right”, Rey gasped. “We could be born anywhere, another time, even in another galaxy.”

As they browsed the space and time, Ben’s attention was caught by a couple who was setting up a home on planet Chandrila. They were celebrated heroes of a war that had recently ended and the woman, knowing that she was in early pregnancy, had thrown herself into a campaign for a senator’s post in a new galactic republic, with hopes of securing the position before having to take time off for giving birth. The man seemed rather indifferent about her campaign and more interested in distracting her from it with endless kisses on her mouth and belly.

“They look just like my parents”, Ben said, his eyes lighting up.

“But that’s a long time ago. And that galaxy is far…”

“Far away, yes, but that doesn’t matter. Rey, I think this is my chance. If I go to them now, I get another opportunity to live with them and show them the love I always wanted to show in this lifetime but got distracted.”

“Where do I go then?”

Rey looked at other couples on Chandrila around the same time period, but all seemed somehow too fancy and elitist for her. She would appreciate a more pragmatic home. Also, she saw that parts of Chandrila got cold in the winter, and she had had enough of harsh winters in this lifetime.

“See how they’re travelling through space all the time”, Ben said. ”As long as you're in that galaxy and around the same time, I’ll be able to find you.”

“But how?”

“We’ll figure it out.”

“No, we won’t. As soon as we’re born, we won’t remember anything of this past life. We need to make sure we’ll be pulled to each other. Let’s go to that galaxy as two people that are one.”

“Like a dyad?”

“Yes, that’s what I mean. That could also make us more powerful there.”

And they each loosened a chord in their soul and exchanged them.

Then Ben kissed Rey once more, on the shape of her dry mouth that had no taste here. But he knew that it would not take long before he would kiss her again for real. Just another childhood, which he would spend happily with these new parents, this time without breaking their hearts by turning against them, until he would be old enough to find Rey.

Ben’s spirit left Rey and dived into the womb of Leia Organa in another galaxy and another time.

For Rey, it still took time to make her decision. The galaxy they had chosen had so many planets that looked fascinating. Her attention wandered further and further, all the way to the outer rim where she saw an enchanting world. The planet was covered in sand and its atmosphere had almost no clouds. The unrestrained heat of the sun wrapped everything in pleasant-looking warmth.

And on that planet, she saw a couple that lived in a small tent a lot like hers. It was only designed for keeping the excess heat out instead of in, which had been her main interest in the past lifetime. They looked so friendly and so in love that she was sure that they would cherish her and provide her a beautiful childhood without abandoning her like her previous parents.

Full of high hopes, her spirit scrolled in time to the right moment of pregnancy and plunged in.


	3. Exegol

Rey gathered the Force around her for a final push. The lightnings flowed back towards Palpatine and he disintegrated in front of her. The whole temple around her seemed to shatter, but she did not care anymore. She knew that she had given a chance for her friends somewhere up on the sky – a chance for the whole galaxy, and that was enough.

Both the lightsabers fell from her hands, she collapsed on the ground and everything went dark.

An immeasurable time passed with all Rey’s senses and consciousness blank. She only knew that she had been gone, when she felt something again through the silent black emptiness. It was an insistent strand of life force, entering through her belly and steadily spreading its way around her body.

When it reached her lungs, she was able to draw a breath again. And when it reached her arm, she could move it to where she felt the life entering her. Right there, she recognised a hand.

When vision returned to Rey’s eyes, her heart burst with happiness as she saw Ben, finally himself and free. She, Leia, Ben himself, everyone had succeeded in bringing him back from beyond so much lost hope.

She reached out a hand to caress his cheek, just like she had wished to do every time she had seen glimpses of Ben Solo through Kylo Ren’s facade.

Overcome by joy, caring and desire, she leaned forward and kissed him.

His lips felt even softer than she had imagined. And there was more than just the softness and warmth. The Force Itself seemed to swirl and hum around them, closing them into a pocket of pleasant vibration that caressed the depths of their intertwined souls.

Rey pulled back to meet his eyes and was rewarded by the most beautiful of smiles, reaching from Ben’s heart all the way up to his eyes and puckering his face into dimples.

That was the most blissful moment of Rey’s life. But before she could say anything or even decide if she wanted to say anything or just kiss him a hundred times more, it was over. Ben fell from her arms on his back on the ground, dead.

The shock was so overwhelming that even tears did not reach her eyes. She just stared at his bruised body and the face that had settled in such a deep peace. Ben had gone somewhere where he was happy. And Rey was left here, and the loneliness that wrenched her heart seemed even bigger than the one she had experienced in her life as a scavenger.

For a moment, she had been complete. The Force had united her with whom she had first thought was her enemy but turned out to share with her a connection that nobody else could. Cutting that out of her life was like pulling out a chord from her very soul.

They had just most likely brought balance to the Force. Maybe there would be scattered First Order sympathizers left to take care of, but everyone else could figure that out without her. Her task in this life was done and she would rather connect with Ben again on the other side than spend a lifetime without him on this one.

So she laid her head on his chest and tuned into the Force. She had already done this once, so it came to her rather easily. She let go of all the pain in her body, all the trouble of keeping her heart and lungs working and let her spirit follow Ben’s.

* * *

This time, Ben was already expecting Rey to appear on the other side soon after him. He held on to a quiet wish that she would not, though. That this time she would really do as he intended and go on living a long, happy life. He would miss her desperately, but he could handle it.

This wish quickly died when Rey showed up. Ben only acknowledged her with a nod before burying his head in his hands.

“Why did everything go the same way? So different universe and just the same story. Is it some kind of fate that’s chasing us?”

Rey started already browsing space and time in search for new parents.

“If it's fate, we have to outsmart it. We have to…”

Her attention drifted back to Earth, passing Inari and her memories of the lifetime in that small town with mostly nomadic population. But quickly, her focus moved southwards, towards areas with cities, castles, fancier people with no worries about where to get their next meal.

“I need to be something more powerful here”, she said thoughtfully. “Somebody who can decide what to do with her life and not just try to survive from day to day. I’ll go to _them_.”

“Are you sure?” Ben was filled with doubts about the couple Rey was pointing at.

“Yes, I’m going now.”

“Wait, Rey, this is not going to go the way you think…”

But Rey’s spirit was already on its way back to Earth. Ben suspected that whichever parents he would choose, the upcoming version of Rey would most probably be out of his league. The least he could do would be to make sure that at least he could live his life somehow near her.

So he chose a military family who seemed to be close to Rey’s parents. They already had two girls and were desperate for a son. At least it seemed like they would really love him. They probably had already a career planned out for him in the military, but he would not mind. It might always give opportunities to steal some moments with Rey, even if it would turn out impossible to have her in this lifetime.


	4. Earth, part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This lifetime will be divided in two chapters. We'll be diverging more from canon, so a bit more has to be explained.

Ben rolled on his back and let his breathing steady. Sweat started to make him cold. His voice was torn between euphoria and regret when he forced himself to say towards the ceiling:

“This was a mistake.”

“Huge”, Rey added.

“Mistake is even a pretty gross understatement.”

“Uh-huh.”

He could not stop himself anymore from turning to look at her. Cheeks flushed rosy, hair wildly messed and lips swollen, she looked like a goddess out of this world. And it did not help that she smiled and inched closer to bring her lips to his again.

Barely before she had time to kiss him out of his senses, he stopped her, even though it meant that he had to bring his hand on her bare chest once more, which made him shiver.

“Don’t, Rey, you have to promise me to never let this happen again.”

Rey turned her gaze to the ceiling, angrily biting her lip. But she clearly understood the point.

They both sat up and started dressing up in silence. Years of tension had just unraveled between them and left them with the weight of ruining possibly more than they dared to even think about.

Rey lit a lantern and sneaked under its light downstairs and over the courtyard to the servants' quarters. She walked through the sleeping hall filled with people’s warmth and nightly noises, all the way to the back wall – to the doors reserved for the few high-ranking servants who had their own rooms. Rey knocked on the middle one.

“Come in”, she heard Maz’s voice from inside.

Rey stepped in and closed the door behind her. She found the tiny, old and sleepy woman sitting on her bed.

“Rey? What is it, my child?”

First, Rey just sat on the bed next to Maz and leaned her head on hers. Maz’s fingertips started their habitual small circles on Rey’s back and arms – the same trademark caress she had begun when Rey was a baby and continued as she grew up.

Maz had stroked her the same way every time she had needed it – when she lost her kite to the wind; after she fell from horseback; the night of her parents’ assassination; the following day when they prepared a shocked, 15-year-old Rey for her coronation; and right now. Rey took a deep breath and spoke slowly, still thinking how to formulate her words:

“I need your help. I made a mistake.”

“Everyone makes mistakes, my dear. What do you need?”

“I need to… not get pregnant.”

Maz’s fingers stopped their caresses and her look turned stern.

“What were you thinking?”

“Well, I wasn’t exactly _thinking_ …”

“Do you have any idea about how much trouble Unkar is going through trying to arrange a politically decent marriage for you? Your people are counting on you to do what’s best for them! And you’re not making it any easier. Who was it?”

Rey stared towards the door without answering.

“Ben Solo?”

“No!”

But Rey answered too promptly for Maz to be deceived.

“Sounds like yes.”

She picked up her glasses from the nightstand, took Rey’s face between her hands and yanked gently but firmly it towards her. When Maz gazed deep into her eyes, she could not hide anything. Soon, tears fell down her cheeks. Maz wiped a couple of them off, heart swollen with pity for her queen who still was, in so many ways, just like the little girl she used to nurse.

“My dear child, I can understand you. I’ve seen how you’ve looked at each other for all these years. I wish you had the freedom to choose yourself. But even if you had, you wouldn’t want that, right? Just think about it: he’s sworn to protect you with his life. Any day, any point of time, if anyone shoots an arrow at you and there’s no other way to save you, he’ll take it. And he’ll be gone. And you’ll be left by yourself in endless grief. You don’t want to be in any way attached to a man who would do that, right? You don’t want to love somebody who could be taken from you any moment just like your parents, do you?”

Rey shook her head, shedding more tears when imagining her and Ben’s inevitable fate. Maz patted her shoulder.

“Good girl. And most importantly, you’re right that you absolutely need to not get pregnant.”

She stood up and opened a closet in the corner of her small room. Mixed fragrances of various herbs streamed out. She selected a bag with silphium powder, dropped a pinch of it in a cup of water and handed it to Rey. She winced at the pungent smell and taste but finished the whole cup.

“Thank you, Maz. I won’t do this again.”

But already the next morning, Rey was back behind Maz’s door. And the night after. After a few more times of trying to talk sense into Rey, Maz gave her a whole bag of silphium and looked the other way.

* * *

“You called for me, Unkar.”

“Yes, let’s walk.”

Unkar made a crooked grimace, which Rey knew to be his interpretation of a smile. He held out the hook of his thick arm for her, and she reluctantly entwined her own arm around it and mirrored his leisurely steps.

“Aren’t the rose blossoms excellent this year?”

Unkar paused to pick up one pink bloom, smell it and pass it to Rey. She dropped it to the ground without even looking.

“Get to your point, will you?”

“My point? Very well, then. Let’s say I have good news.”


	5. Earth, part 2

Rey wanted to slap the idiotic grimace off Unkar's round face that was as pink as the rose he was holding. She turned her head away and made a move to continue walking. Thankfully, he followed her gesture, and they went on strolling along the alley between the rose bushes and arcades. Like this, she did not have to look at him when he continued talking:

“I have found you a husband. The Duke of Alsace, recently widowed for the second time, sitting on mountains of wealth and acres upon acres of land…”

“Exactly how old is he?”

“Do you really want to know?”

Rey reconsidered her question.

“No.”

“That’s what I thought. Now where was I? Yes, Alsace, very important ally for us, good connections eastward. You will rule almost the whole Central Europe. Think about it, my girl, you will be…”

He was cut short when a hooded figure emerged from behind a rose arcade, sprinting towards them with a drawn sword glistening in the sunlight. As he approached Rey, he lifted it up for a strike.

Right then, Rey felt something fly past her ear. In the next moment, the hooded man fell down with a dagger in his throat.

Rey stared at the body and the pool of blood forming on the sand next to its head, when Ben calmly walked past her and knelt down to retrieve his dagger.

“I was just coming to that”, Unkar continued. “The Duke of Alsace is such a good deal that many other queens and noble women will be ready for anything to get you out of their way. I’d be surprised if this was the only assassin sent your way. But I’m sure you don’t need to worry. I can see that Mr. Solo is taking good care of you.”

He glanced a hasty grin at Ben, making sure he noticed that even though he decided to briefly acknowledge his existence, Unkar himself was still his superior. Ben responded with a courteous nod, let Rey and Unkar pass him and continued following them from a few meters distance, as invisible as he always strived to be behind Rey.

* * *

Unkar was right. Another assassination attempt followed soon. Rey had just sat down at the dinner table and been served with a steaming bowl of fish soup. It smelled like her favorite herbs and made her stomach rumble and want to devour it immediately.

But her food taster was as strict as always. He scooped his spoon into Rey’s bowl and filled it with fish, vegetable pieces and broth. He blew on it a couple of times to cool it down before inserting it into his mouth, chewing and swallowing. He reached for another sample, but before it could make it into his mouth, his hand started to shake and the full spoon fell from it on the tablecloth.

The shaking took over his whole body and developed into increasingly violent spasms. His face turned white and foam filled his mouth as he growled and eventually fell forward against the table. Occasional twitches kept moving his body long after he was gone.

Rey had never talked much with her food taster. Like Maz said, it was better not to attach herself with people who might die for her at any moment. But she knew that he had a family of three children, and recently she had seen his wife look more and more obviously pregnant again. She wanted to talk with her in person and ensure that she would have everything she needed for the rest of her life. But that she would do tomorrow, after letting her own disgusted feelings settle.

When Ben sneaked into Rey’s quarters that night, she clung into him, not with her normal fiery passion but with pure desperation.

“Ben, I’m sick of people dying for me. Please, don’t ever do it. Don’t leave me. Whoever comes after me, if you can’t fight them off, just let them have me. I’ll rather die than spend the rest of my life without you.”

“You know you can’t ask that of me. I’ve sworn. If I fail to protect you, I’ll be executed anyway. You know that.”

“Then let’s run away. Tonight. We’ll just leave all this behind, let old things die and be happy somewhere in secret. Everyone else will just have to deal with it.”

“You have to think about your people, Rey. They love you. You’re doing good for this country. If you leave it all in a void for anyone with enough force to seize the throne, you have no idea if the next ruler will take care of prosperity and justice the way you do. You have to stay at least long enough to marry the Duke of Alsace, give birth to and raise the next king or queen with him.”

“I want to give birth to and raise _your_ child, nobody else’s, especially not an ancient Duke’s...”

Ben swallowed and blinked his eyes to hold back tears.

“Stop that, Rey. You’re breaking my heart by speaking about a life we cannot have. I love you so much more than I’m allowed to. You’re everything to me. And that’s why I know what I have to do. But I don’t have the strength to do it alone. You must help me. You must stop holding on to me. Forget that there ever was anything else between us than my job. Leave me. Please.”

To his final word, he poured his whole heart, really striving to make Rey understand the pain they were doomed to if continuing like this. And possibly she did, because she spent a long time staring at him, whole face in tears. That did nothing to help him, though. He would have to do it himself after all.

He covered his eyes with his hand first, then used the hand to force himself to turn away. Without looking at her, he stood up and walked to the door. Every step was heavy, like each of his legs weighed tons. And they only got heavier as he heard Rey sob louder and louder behind him. He fought his hand on the door handle and into a movement of opening the door. Somehow he made it behind it, closed it and leaned back on it.

He expected a relief now that it was done. But no relief came, only the sound of Rey crying inside. And there was no way he could escape that. He had to stay in his own quarters right next to hers to make sure that he heard if anything would threaten her.

Ben did not even dare to think about the upcoming days yet. He would have to somehow forget Rey, while still spending every moment of every day painfully close to her. And in just a few days, he would have to do that in no lesser occasion than her engagement ceremony.

The following days were agony. Ben stayed as far away from Rey as he dared, but it did not prevent him from hearing how she cried when she was alone or how pale and quiet she turned when she was with others. It was like her whole light was dimmed, possibly shut down forever.

Ben wanted nothing more than to run the few steps that kept separating them, close her in his arms, bury his face in her hair and assure her that he had been wrong, that everything would be ok and he loved her and true love would conquer everything and they’d run away to their own secret paradise. Or anything else that happened in fairy tales. Rey deserved all the happy endings of those tales combined.

But the problem was that those things only happened in fairy tales. Resuscitating hopes of something like that in their own life would only make their inevitable fate worse. They had already stolen more happiness than belonged to them.

The only thing that kept him going was clinging to the hope that the Duke of Alsace would be good enough for Rey to make her happy. If he would even lift a finger to hurt her, Ben could not stop himself from killing him, even though it would eventually cost him his own life.

_She will be happy. She will be happy. She will be happy. She will be happy._ Ben kept repeating it to himself, even as Rey could not stop crying when the engagement audience was waiting for her in the courtyard. He was waiting behind the door to her quarters and could clearly hear her from inside.

The ceremony was about to start but the sobs just kept intensifying. As a last resort, Ben opened the door and walked in. And once he was in, his feet involuntarily took him all the way to where she was standing by her window. She turned to face him, and he cupped her cheeks and wiped the tears off them with his thumbs.

“Time to go, Rey. I’ll be right behind you. Just like always.” He pressed a soft kiss on her forehead. “I’ll always be with you.”

Rey swallowed, took a deep breath and followed his cue when he let go of her face and nudged her towards the door. She walked the whole way down to the courtyard and through the crowd with her head held high, until she was face to face with the Duke who was about to become her fiancé.

He was clad in a golden robe, in apparent anticipation of upgrading his title to a king. His skin was deeply wrinkled and the few strands of hair he had left were grey. But his cobalt blue eyes were sharp and examining Rey with a knowing look. She greeted him with a nod, adopted the same smile she always wore in front of her people and held it throughout the ceremony.

Ben forced himself to put aside any personal thoughts about the Duke and focus on his job. It was not difficult to do. The combination of Rey and crowds got easily his mind fixed on business. He ignored the ceremony and kept scanning the audience, expecting at any moment somebody to rush out towards her, draw a bow, cast a knife or attack with any improvised weapon.

When the ceremony was over and people started to swarm towards the couple to congratulate them, Ben crammed right next to Rey. She shuddered at their sudden closeness but kept focused on shaking hands. His eyes bore into every approaching person with suspicion.

When a young lady in a grey, embroidered cloak and black, tightly tied hair had just taken Rey’s hand in both of hers and spoken shortly with a foreign accent, it happened quicker than anyone’s mind could follow:

She let go of Rey’s hand, dug under her cloak, pulled out a dagger, lifted it and thrusted towards her chest.

Ben had no time to think, no time to do anything but follow the instinct his body had adopted through years of mental practice. He grabbed hold of Rey’s shoulders and threw himself in front of her, spreading the width of his back between her and the approaching dagger.

When Rey felt the push through the cushioning of Ben’s body, her mind caught up to what had just happened. Somewhere in her peripheral vision, the grey clad woman was captured and taken away, but she did not care. She lowered Ben to the ground and tried to turn him enough to pull the dagger out.

“Leave it, it’s over. Let me look at you for one last time”, he insisted in a struggled voice.

Rey obeyed and let him fall on his back in front of her.

“But you can’t die. You can’t leave me.”

Approaching tears were tightening her voice again. But Ben smiled as he looked up at her.

“I saved you. You know my father ranked so high in your army that I could have done anything there - traveled the world for battles to return as a hero or die as one. But I chose to stay here to protect you, the loveliest and most beautiful creature in the universe. Because this is how I always wanted to die: not fighting what I hate, but saving what I love.”

Not caring that she had just got engaged to another man, Rey bent down to kiss him. First, she could sense him faintly responding to the kiss. But in the next moment, she felt his last breath on her lips.

“Isn’t that a rather pathetic amount of grief over the life of just one soldier, my love? Now, if we’re done with this, can somebody take the body away so that we may continue? We’ll have no trouble finding another equally good bodyguard for you.”

Rey looked up to the bright blue eyes gazing intensely down at her. Without saying anything, she shook her head, stood up and ran away to the servants’ quarters.

The hall was still empty as everyone had just been either watching the ceremony or handling its arrangement. But she knew she did not have much time before she would be followed. She stormed into Maz’s quiet room and to the closet in the corner.

She was not familiar with most of the contents, but her eye was caught by a locked box on the top shelf. Sure that she would not have time to look for a key, she smashed the box on the floor to break it. In the middle of the shards of the box, she found three small paper bags. Haphazardly, she chose one of them, emptied most of the contents into a cup, filled it with water and drank.

Maz rushed in when she was half-way through the cup. Rey tried to open her mouth to say something, but no words came as her whole body was overtaken by an excruciating contortion. Maz’s mouth was opening and closing but she did not hear any words. And soon even the image of Maz blurred. The last thing in Rey’s consciousness was that she was falling, but she never experienced hitting the floor.

* * *

“Seriously?” Ben raised his eyebrows when he saw her. “You didn’t even stay long enough to try it out? You could have still been happy. And your people…”

“They’ll have to deal with it. Don’t you see? I don’t know what kind of hero complex you have, but you can’t make me happy by sacrificing yourself.”

Ben’s mouth pinched into a thin line.

“It’s easy to say that now, but once we’re there and all the memory of this is gone, it's not that easy to do. We can’t go on selecting lives where we’re put into those kinds of situations.”

Both were silent for a while, idly skimming space and time, not finding anything particularly appealing. Rey’s attention settled on Ahch-To, and she smiled at the memories the planet evoked.

“We were so close in the previous lifetime.”

“In _that_ one?”

“Yes. We were so powerful as a Force Dyad. If you just wouldn’t have listened to Snoke, it would all…”

“You think that would have been easy?”

“How hard can it be to just say no, when somebody’s proposing something clearly evil?”

“Well, if you have such a great idea for how to do it perfectly, why don’t we go back to that lifetime and switch parents? You go and get born into that universe with the Skywalker blood and we’ll see what you make of it.”

“Challenge accepted.”


	6. Starkiller

“Rey!”

Han’s voice echoed in the vast space and made Rey stop her clanging steps on the bridge. She stood still and hesitated a while before turning around to face him.

“Han Solo. I've been waiting for this day for a long time.”

“Take off that mask. You don't need it.” He was already on the bridge, walking towards her.

“What do you think you'll see if I do?”

“The face of my daughter.”

Rey obeyed and clicked the mechanisms on the sides to remove her mask. Han let out a breath he was holding and looked suddenly just like Rey remembered him from the days he would return home after a long job or, later, when she would come home for breaks from Jedi training.

They would always start with an argument – any insignificant topic would do – and after she had shut herself in her room for half an hour or so, he would knock and suggest that they try again, looking just like this. She would always give in and they would start again from the beginning, greeting each other with a hug and continuing from there. Usually it worked out and they ended up laughing instead of arguing. Now, the memory made Rey’s chin invisibly quiver.

This is exactly what Snoke had warned her against. And she had assured him that Han Solo meant nothing to her. But now that he was right there, close enough to touch, everything was different.

She tried to remember every bit of Snoke’s training. Everything about centering and grounding herself. She tried to gather the Force around her to barricade out his words and the way he looked at her. But Han Solo did not care about Force-induced barriers. He spoke straight to her heart:

“It’s not too late. Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you.”

The mention of home brought to her mind the image of her mother. Gathering all her power, she managed to push it away. But she could not escape her father’s gaze. And at the same time, her mind was drawn to Snoke’s promise that everything would become easier and her powers fully unleashed after going through this. Doing it was just so much more difficult than she had thought.

“I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?”

“Yes. Anything.”

Rey let her helmet drop, unclipped her lightsaber hilt from her belt and held it out to Han. He grasped it between her hands. Now even more than half of her wanted nothing more than to let him take it and throw it down off the bridge. Then she would dive into his arms once again and let him take her out of this place and all the way back home. Yes, that is what she would do, leave behind Snoke and let the past die.

But a small part of her knew that if she would fail now, she would never be free of Snoke’s haunting presence. There was nowhere she could hide. No other future she could live. She centered herself around that spark of clarity and let it grow and fill her with strength to tighten her grip around the hilt again.

The last rays of sun went out as the weapon reached full charge somewhere underground. In one quick movement, Rey turned her lightsaber and ignited it. Both of its red blades pierced through Han’s ribs.

“Thank you”, she said through her teeth before pulling her saber back.

She would have wanted to say so much more. To say goodbye, and that she really had loved him, as long as he still could hear. But no words came. Han reached a hand up to caress her cheek before he fell down to the emptiness under the bridge.

Rey waited for the moment of all-conquering peace and clarity that Snoke had promised. But none of it happened, only emptiness and pain filled her heart as her gaze followed her father’s falling body.

She was alerted by a loud growl she recognized as Chewie’s. In the next moment, a blast hit her left side and made her hunch down in pain. When she looked up again, she met the eyes of the scavenger on a platform high above her. He was with FN-2187, both looking down at her in shock.

They fled out of an opening behind them. The pain on Rey’s side felt unbearable, but she knew that she could not let them escape. She bit her teeth together, punched her smashed ribs and got up.

As she strode towards the closest exit, she became aware of something even more painful: she could still feel a trace of Han’s hand on her right cheek. She slapped the cheek, several times with increasing force, but she could not make it fully go away. And the image of his face right before falling, eyes full of forgiveness and love she did not deserve, refused to disappear from her mind.

Outside, the bite of the cold air helped her a little to ground herself and focus on the task at hand. The scavenger was still so close that it was easy for her to sense his location and direction. Even FN-2187 left a faint but unmistakable trace in the Force.

She had been aware of it already when he still was part of Snoke's army. Her mistake had been that she never thought of it as anything special. He was not the first stormtrooper she had encountered with that trait, and usually it faded away with years of training and missions. Now that this traitor had been loose for just a little while, his signature had already amplified.

Rey took the shortest route through the snow to the forest, lightsaber still in her hand, right where she sensed their Force signatures.

As soon as they saw her, the scavenger raised his blaster to shoot her again. But she was far from the mood for that game. She extended one hand to yank the blaster out of his hand, throw his oversized body against a tree trunk and let it fall on the snow.

“Ben!” FN-2187 shouted in panic and started running towards his friend.

He did not get far before Rey used the Force to stop him. She smashed him to the ground, stepped next to him and raised her lightsaber to strike him.

But her blades never reached his body. Between his chest and the red glow, the defected stormtrooper held another lightsaber. One that Rey recognized immediately. It was the one that had belonged to her grandfather, and to her uncle after him. Now, it was rightfully hers.

Except that some nobody, who somehow got it by chance, was wielding it now. Fine. She would take it over his appropriately dead body. Hot fury filled her and she lifted her saber for a new strike.

He blocked it again, this time rising up to sitting. Soon he was on his feet again, fighting her back with a fury of his own.

Rey was ready for the game to be over. She opened the hinge that separated her laser blades and turned them to opposite directions around her hilt. Then she charged with the saber rotating in her hands, resulting in a double speed of blows.

That was too much. FN-2187 managed to block a few of those, but soon Rey blew the lightsaber out of his hand. The hilt flew in a wide arch and landed on the snow. After that, it was easy to knock him off and split his back open with laser.

Rey was not sure if he died yet. But since he did not move, she could make sure of it later and concentrate on a more important object first. She reached her arm towards the lightsaber in the snow and pulled through the Force.

The hilt wriggled and then shot through the air towards her. Only when it was already almost in her hand did she realize what was off: its trajectory was not directed towards her hand.

She barely had time to turn and bend backwards to prevent it from hitting her head. When she turned to follow its flight, she saw Ben holding it.

He seemed equally astonished as she was, staring at his own hand, lips curved apart in curious marvel. He looked gorgeous, powerful beyond measure, and completely unaware of it. The Force swirled and pulsated around him like he was Its work of art.

In the next moment, his innocent astonishment gave way to rage and thirst for revenge for his fallen companions. He turned on the lightsaber and charged on Rey. She was surprised to see that she could barely hold her ground. He was rough, untrained, without finesse or elegance, but surprisingly fast, like he could anticipate Rey’s every move. And though he could not match her technique, he made it up by pressing on her with greater mass and physical strength.

With every clash of their sabers, Rey grew more certain that hurting him was the last thing she wanted to do. In fact, she did not just want to not hurt him – she wanted him. She grew hungry for his power, not to enslave it and use it for her own purposes like Snoke has done to hers, but to fully unleash it beside her, to be free and complement hers.

Just mere moments ago, she had probed Ben's mind and seen how confused he was about what was inside of him. She had also seen the boundless loneliness and knew that he had seen that she felt it too. If she could just make him see that they could put an end to it and stop each other from being alone.

The ground itself started to crack. Rey had not been much involved in the development of the weapon, so she did not know if this was a consequence of the charging and firing or if the Resistance had attempted some suicidal stunt that was bringing the whole planet apart.

She chased Ben to the edge of a newly opened ravine and closed the hinge of her hilt to lock his blade between both of hers, right above their heads. He tried to push her back but she kept resisting with equal force. As a result, they stood still, eyes locked under the blue and red glow.

Rey wanted to say something to stop this fight and make him understand and leave here with her. Maybe she should offer to teach him. Maybe ask him to join her in overthrowing Snoke and ruling the galaxy together. But something about how the ground shook told her that she did not have time for talking. She leaned forward under the lightsabers and kissed him.

Ben startled and froze for a moment. But as her lips insisted on studying his, he gave in and kissed her back. Simultaneously, they switched off their sabers and let them fall to the ground, freeing their hands to cling to each other. A new ravine opened and swallowed them, bodies entangled and starved tongues deep in each other’s mouths. They were still falling when the whole planet exploded.

* * *

“Don’t say it.” Rey avoided Ben’s gaze.

“You know I have to.”

“Ok, then, but just once.”

“I told you so.” Ben savored the sound on his tongue, or the hollow equivalent of a tongue that he had on this side.

“Fine. Happy now?”

“Well, that’s the bright side. You did everything the same as me. But then you got us stuck in the wrong spot. Hux couldn’t get you out.”

“And Chewie couldn’t get you… They probably died there, too.”

“They… and Finn.”

Ben’s head sank in grief and Rey laid a hand on his shoulder. Even though her last moments with Finn had been full of mutual hatred, she now remembered clearly the lifetime where he had been her best friend, just like he had been one for Ben in this one. Even though their time together must have been brief, one of the final things Ben had experienced had been Finn coming with Han and Chewie to rescue him from Starkiller Base where Rey had captured him.

“Maybe we’ll meet them in another life.” She caressed the outline of his back in slow strokes.

“I could skip meeting Hux again.”

“Yeah, me too. I don’t know how you still tolerated him for more than a year after that. I was sick of him from the day he became general. It went totally to his head.”

“There wasn’t much choice. Everything was messed up. I’m starting to believe that we should live somewhere a lot simpler, like there.”

He pointed at a planet that made Rey frown.

“There? But there’s nothing. It looks emptier than Jakku. There’s not even sand, just the… whatever that red stuff is.”

“Exactly, nothing happens there so nothing will threaten us. Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally imagine that if the roles would go this way, the moment when the lightsaber would fly to Ben's hand, he'd have exactly the same expression he had when asking: "Can you see my surroundings?"


	7. Mars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter and also more experimental, possibly quite weird... something I couldn't resist. I promise that they will be humans again in the next one :)

Rey plopped into existence as her mother divided into her and her sister. For a moment, she lingered next to her sister and they excreted a shell of slime around them to enclose themselves in a cozy, floating cocoon.

But when they least expected it, a strong convection emerged from below them and they got separated in the turbulent waters. Rey was left floating aimlessly around.

Maybe she should have felt trapped or panicked, not knowing what was awaiting her. But she did not. All she could feel was overpowering loneliness.

Until she hit something. It was larger than her, and alive, judging from its temperature, which Rey sensed as slightly higher than the surrounding water. Was it a predator? If it was, there was probably nothing that could save her anymore. The impact had collided her with its slimy capsule and immobilised her. Rey braced herself for being swallowed.

But instead of being eaten, she sensed a dose of chemicals that the creature secreted into the narrow space between them. She did not recognise any particular message or threat, just a quiet assurance that she was not alone anymore. And she discharged a bunch of her own compounds to signal the same.

They both added their own slime to each other’s capsules, forming a shared one that shut out the coldness and dangers of the surroundings. On top of the capsule, Rey could feel gentle flagella stroke her and wrap her into a loving embrace.

They were floating in a gentle convection when they sensed a pH gradient creeping up towards them. They tried to use the flagella to swim towards the familiar pH, but the acidic surge followed them faster. Soon, the pH had dropped low enough to disintegrate their capsules and membranes and leave their insides scattered in the water, quickly picked up by acid-tolerant predators.

* * *

“That was fast”, Rey said.

“It was. But I was happy while it lasted.”

“So was I. Do you want to go back there?”

“No. I want to be human with you again.”

Ben slid his hand down the side of her head, down her neck and over her chest. His thumb brushed over her breast and she shuttered when remembering how thrilling his touch would feel if she had a body to respond to it.

“Yes, that’s what we need to be.”

“But not powerful or special”, he said. “That has always ended bad. How about those people? They seem like total nobodies.”

He randomly pointed out two couples. They were living in the same rather small town, and their lives seemed completely ordinary. Rey shrugged her hollow shoulders and they both plunged in.


	8. Alderaan

Ben poured frugal servings of Toniray wine into wavy glasses. The Empire was heavily restricting access to alcohol, and he really wanted to stretch this bottle that they had been saving for a long time for a special occasion. With careful calculation and settling for half a portion for himself, he managed to get nine glasses more of less full.

He toured the room with a tray and finished by handing the final full glass to Rey, who made a quick adjustment to pour some of her drink into his glass to even out their portions. Then she gave him her most adorable smile and he turned to address everyone else:

“Welcome, everyone, so nice that you’re all here. Now, there’s something I want to say first. Well, you all know how excellent and wonderful Rey is and how lost I was with my life before I found her. She’s the whole galaxy to me, and more. Really, I couldn’t imagine a bigger blessing coming my way. And I’m still wondering what I’ve done to deserve this kind of happiness.”

Ben’s mother’s eyes lit up as she realized where this was going. She covered her mouth with her hand to contain her excitement and let Ben finish.

“So I asked her to marry me. And she said yes.”

He tried to raise his glass but his mother had already forgotten about her drink and squeezed them both in a hug accompanied by a stream of enthusiastic congratulations. Rey’s mother followed right on her tail, then their fathers, Ben’s sister and Rey’s sister and brother. When everyone had got back to their drinks, the questions started flying.

“When did this happen?”

“And how?” Rey’s sister completed her mother.

“Just last weekend. Ben took me to the amusement park. And in the rollercoaster, he just turned to me and asked.”

Rey’s sister made a content sigh.

“Have you planned the wedding already?” Ben’s father asked.

“Roughly, yes. But of course, now that the Empire banned gatherings of more than twenty people, it will be small, practically just all of you and some friends.”

“And are you traveling somewhere after that? Even with the restrictions, there are still some places where you can go, right?”

Ben met Rey’s excited smile before answering:

“We’re thinking about Naboo.”

Ben’s sister went into elaborate account of how beautiful Naboo was. She had visited there for work a couple of times and would always take an opportunity to go again.

The rest of the evening passed with revealing more of their wedding plans, generous offers to help out with the arrangements and, in the end, a final round of congratulations.

* * *

“How about this one?” Rey showed the HoloNet site of an idyllic Nabooian hotel.

“Look at the price. That’s salty.”

Rey dropped her eyes to the price under the picturesque holos and frowned. She continued browsing but ended up shaking her head.

“Everything on that planet seems to cost at least 200 credits per night.”

“And if those are the hotel prices, just think about how much food is going to cost there. Sweetie, should we go somewhere else?”

“Like where?”

“Look at this.”

Ben showed her a site full of beautiful holos of curious urban alleys, inviting cafes, contemporary art and historical sights. She scrolled back to see the title: _Visit Alderaan_.

“I love it!” she chirped in delight.

They opened a few sites of the recommended hotels. The prices were half of those on Naboo. They selected one that was among the cheapest but still looked charming and booked it for a week.

* * *

Alderaan’s sun was high and bathed Aldera city in a warm glow. Ben and Rey’s hotel terrace faced a lively street and in the distance, behind the maze of buildings in various but still harmonious sizes and decorations, they could make out a line of snow-capped mountains.

They had slept late and made a leisurely stroll to the lake shore surrounding the city. Now, they were waiting for a late lunch, chairs pushed together so that they could lean their heads on each other while looking at a group of kids playing on the street. It was some local game that involved a lot of running around and occasional animated screams.

The waiter returned to their table for the second time.

“I’m sorry, you still have to wait a little. We’re getting to work on your order as soon as possible. Our kitchen staff – all our staff really - is just a little overwhelmed with the situation. I hope you understand.”

“Eh, what situation?” Rey asked carefully, genuinely curious but not wanting to come across as pushy.

“Haven’t you heard the news?”

They looked at each other and shook their heads.

“The Empire has Princess Leia. They’ve got our Princess! What are we going to do? Everything is lost. We’re doomed.”

When Ben and Rey looked closer, they saw that the waiter’s eyes looked like he had just been crying. And his voice sounded like he might be starting again any minute.

“Uh, I see. Take your time then”, Ben said, and the waiter made an effort to pull himself back together.

“I promise, we’ll get to your order very soon. The Senator’s live broadcast is starting now. We’re going to listen to it and get back to work right after. While waiting, if you want, you can come indoors to listen.”

They followed him indoors where a crowd of hotel staff and guests had gathered around a holoviewer. They stayed in a corner where they could still see and hear but hopefully not disturb the grieving locals. A projection appeared of a formally clad and bearded old man with graceful gestures and calm voice.

“I remember him”, Ben whispered to Rey. “From what we read about Alderaan before coming. Ord… Orben… something… Organa, yes, Bail Organa. He’s one of the people behind the Rebellion.”

Rey nodded in wonder. Even though they were just looking at and listening to a holoprojection, this was still the closest they had ever been to the Rebellion they admired based on the rumours they had heard about it. They both focused on the broadcast, eyes shining.

_Dear people of Alderaan. As you have already seen, the Empire has just released this footage._

Senator Organa disappeared and the projection showed instead a beautiful young woman, clad in white, hair in two large buns like so many women in Alderaan wore theirs. She was handcuffed and surrounded by Darth Vader and a group of his officers and stormtroopers, but her expression remained proud and defiant.

Even though most of the locals had already seen this, many of them still wailed out loud. The broadcast switched back to Organa, whose voice ever so slightly trembled.

_It breaks my heart to think about the one whom I love as my daughter in the hands of the greatest evil of our time. And I know this is heavy for all of us, to face the possibility of losing our beloved princess._

He cleared his throat and regained his peacefully confident tone.

_However, people of Alderaan, this is not the time for panic and despair. Princess Leia would want to see us all stay strong and support each other. The Empire wins by making us think that we are alone. But we are not. We have each other. And the Rebellion and all its allies have our backs. We are already planning a rescue mission. So it is essential to keep your heads high and hearts alight. Remember, hope is like the sun. If you only believe in it when you see it, you will never make it through the night._

The broadcast ended and the locals proceeded to ignoring most of its words. Many of them cried in despair, repeating phrases like ‘all is lost’ and ‘we’re doomed’.

“They seem to really love their princess”, Ben remarked as he walked back out to the terrasse with Rey.

“Well, she does seem beautiful, and strong.”

“Aren’t they a bit overreacting, though? It’s not even sure if Vader really captured her. This might all be just Imperial propaganda.”

“But how about the footage?”

“They could have easily edited that.”

Rey stretched her arms and head back to enjoy a moment of sunlight on her neck. “I hope it is edited, then. We’ll see. What do you want to do after lunch?”

They opened the map of the city, which was full of pins to mark various sights of interest. They had an ideal route almost planned out when something in the sky drew their attention. It looked like another sun, only getting larger and larger every second. When the city filled with blinding light and heat, the screams and aimless running started.

The playing group of kids scattered. Some of them got hastily picked up by their parents, but they had nowhere to run. When the giant ray hit, all anyone could feel was excruciating heat and pressure, and then nothing.

* * *

“I’m tired of this”, Rey sighed, leaning against Ben’s breathless chest and drawing lazy circles with her fingers on his lower back.

“Me, too.” Ben leaned his chin on Rey’s head and softly combed her hair with his fingers. “We were on the right track, though. Our families were so nice. Everything was going fine. We just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“What do you think about them?” Rey pointed at two couples who blended in their town so well that she hardly even noticed them. “They seem to be living pretty much like our previous parents, just on this planet that is not going to blow up in our lifetime - and without chances to travel to another one that might.”

“Looks fine to me.”

They stayed for one lingering kiss. Even though it was less than satisfying, it still served as a little comfort, knowing that they would probably have to wait for the next one for years.

“Let’s try to find each other a bit sooner this time, shall we?”

“Yeah, let’s do that.”


	9. Earth, part 1

“You just suck a bit of the water sample into your pipette, and then you push one drop on the glass slide, cover it with the cover slide like this, attach it with the stage clip and choose the 50x objective. Then, remember to adjust your brightness, condenser, aperture and focus, and then the magic happens.”

Chewie demonstrated, his huge hands handling the tiny slides with surprising dexterity. The projector connected to his microscope showed first only blur, but as soon as he got the focus adjusted, everyone’s jaw dropped in wonder.

They had thought about the drop as just ordinary sea water. But turned out it buzzed with life in various forms. Chewie pointed out a tardigrade, a diatom and a tunicate and said that they could probably find more species in their own samples from different depths.

Everyone got to work with pipetting their samples between slides and adjusting their microscopes. Chewie circulated around the room, helping them identify species and laughing with them when they found something funny.

Only one person in the back of the room had abandoned his microscope and swung his chair back into an almost fifty-degree angle against the wall. Every once in a while, he popped his gum or adjusted the cap over his waves of raven hair. Rest of the time, he fidgeted with his keychain that had a red laser pointer, doodling figures to the ceiling. Chewie leaned down on his hands against his table.

“Ben, please put that away, we don’t want anyone to go blind, do we?”

Ben’s brows knitted, but he switched off the laser and stuffed the keychain into the pocket of his oversized black jeans.

“Found anything interesting?” Chewie asked him.

“This fucking piece of junk doesn’t focus.”

“No swearing here, Ben. This is your second warning.”

“Fine, whatever”, he muttered.

Chewie circulated Ben’s table to peek into his microscope. The image was blurry but had some shapes that already looked to him like dinoflagellates.

“You have to use your fine adjustment. This smaller screw here. Wanna try?”

Ben tried to retain his uninterested look even when he eagerly swung his chair back to vertical and leaned over the microscope to look into the eye pieces while turning the fine adjustment screw.

“Oh, fuck!” he gasped in awe at the sight of the triangle-shaped creature with its three flagella exiting its corners like green horns.

Chewie let that F bomb slip without criticism because it dropped out of fascination for one of his favourite plankton species. He left Ben to marvel at it and continued leisurely strolling around the room, scratching his elaborate beard and delighting in the excitement he saw on the faces exploring the tiniest creatures of the sea.

From the corner of his eye, he saw how Rose leaned to her side to whisper something to Rey and show her something in the book she had open. In effect, both burst into a blend of giggling and eyeing at Ben.

“If I’m not allowed to swear, why are they allowed to whisper?” Ben protested, which made the two girls laugh even more.

“Fine, Rose, you can tell all of us what you just told Rey”, Chewie said but Rose shook her head.

“If you’re with us and you have something to say that you don’t want us to hear, then this is not the time to say it”, he insisted. “So, since you chose to say it now, it should be something we all can hear.”

“Errr, I just said…” Rose was shortly interrupted by a giggle that Rey joined. “…that Ben looks like a kyloreneema.”

Instantly, everyone looked up the microscope image of kyloreneema in their books and joined in the laughter. It was a rod-shaped single-celled creature surrounded by a dark slime capsule with black and red flagella sticking out of it.

Ben made an indifferent tsk sound but Finn hurried to defend him by snorting at Rose: “Then you look like a copepod!”

Now everyone browsed to the entry of a copepod. It was true that its two antenna resembled Rose’s pigtails. Rose stood up and grabbed her book, ready to smash it at Finn's head, but Chewie forced it gently down from her hands.

“Copepods are very smart creatures actually. They can use their antennae to sense turbulences in the water when a predator is approaching. And their ancestors were among the first species on Earth to develop an optical sensor like an eye.”

Rose turned to look at Finn with a winner’s smile, which drew an irritated sigh out of him, only adding to her satisfaction.

“And kyloreneemas are known for their ability to endure extreme environments”, Chewie continued. “They have been found in eutrophic lakes and seas with very limited access to oxygen, in salty liquid pockets inside the arctic ice, and by the outlets of industrial wastewaters, even when those are very alkaline. Acid is the only environmental threat that kyloreneema cannot endure because it damages its slime capsule.”

“Can it live in space?” Ben asked, which made Rey tsk.

“Now you think it has supreme powers just because it looks like you?" Rey snorted. "It still needs water, idiot. Do you see a lot of water in space?”

“Not that far-fetched, actually”, Chewie corrected her. “We’ve explored only so little of space. And even as close to us as on Mars, water used to exist in liquid form, a long time ago, when the planet was warmer and had a stronger atmosphere. Actually, in the ice samples taken by Mars Pathfinder, there were pores that looked like fossils of kyloreneema-like creatures. So it’s a possibility that they used to exist there.”

“There, you see, supreme powers”, Ben snapped at Rey who turned back to her microscope with an eyeroll.

“Can I have my own species, too?” several voices asked Chewie at the same time from around the room.

He laughed and glanced at the clock. “We don’t have much time before we need to get to dinner and prepare for the camp disco. Let’s be quick. You pick a species you like or one that looks like you and I’ll tell you about it.”

They used the rest of the time on this game. Chewie’s ability to describe the marvelous aspects of every plankton species left everyone satisfied, convinced that their own power species could exist in any random drop of sea water. They would never look at an ocean with the same eyes again.

* * *

Rose and Rey were munching from a shared cone of popcorn, occasionally giggling for no particular reason. They had been making fun of the music by inventing parodic lyrics and were about to start again when the song changed. But words died in their mouths when they heard the opening line of _Show me the meaning of being lonely_. Their shared favourite song only made them purr with delight.

_So many words for the broken heart_

Finn approached them, and Rose deliberately rolled her eyes, turned her back and pulled Rey with her.

_It's hard to see in a crimson love_

But Finn tapped Rey’s shoulder so that she could not ignore him but had to turn back.

_So hard to breathe_

“Eh, Rey… Ben wants to dance with you.”

_Walk with me, and maybe_

Something twisted wildly in Rey’s stomach, but she forced her face into a critical frown. “Then why doesn’t he ask me himself?”

_Nights of light so soon become_

Finn shrugged. “I don’t know. Why don’t you dance with him and ask him?”

_Wild and free I could feel the sun_

“You can tell him that I’m not going to, unless he asks himself.”

_Your every wish will be done, they tell me_

Finn sighed in frustration but turned away and walked to the other edge of the room where he found Ben.

“She wants you to ask her yourself.”

“What the fuck? Finn, you had one job! To ask her exactly so that I wouldn’t have to.”

“Well, looks like she doesn’t like that.”

“Then you have to convince her otherwise.”

“What? Now I have to…?”

Ben refused to listen to Finn’s protest but turned him around and pushed him back to Rey’s direction. The floor had filled with swaying dancers that he had to navigate.

_Life goes on as it never ends_

“Rey?”

“What now?”

_Eyes of stone observe the trends_

“Errr… Just that… he really insists.”

_They never say forever gaze upon me_

“Insists? Fine. In that case, I insist, too.”

_Guilty roads to an endless love_

“Rey, please!”

_There's no control. Are you with me now?_

Rey turned to whisper something in Rose’s ear and left Finn snaking his way back to Ben.

_Your every wish will be done, they tell me_

“She said that she insists.” Finn copied Rey’s tone.

“Why?”

“How would I know?”

“Then ask her why.”

“Ben, why can’t you ask her yourself?”

“Just can’t.”

“Idiot”, Finn hissed as he walked back.

“Rey, can you just tell me one thing: why can’t you dance with Ben if I ask you?”

“Just because.”

“Two idiots”, Finn muttered to himself when turning back again.

“She says ‘just because’”, he told Ben.

Ben cast an angry look at Rey’s direction but she deliberately focused on her and Rose’s popcorn.

“That’s not an explanation. You have to tell her to give us an honest answer!”

Finn’s hands squeezed into fists as anger washed over him.

“Fuck, Ben! You know what, I’m not going to mediate this for you two any longer. You’re on your own!”

“Traitor!!!” Ben yelled at Finn’s back as he walked away.

He went straight back to Rey, who already raised her eyebrows in anticipatory amusement. But Finn ignored her and turned to Rose instead.

“Care to dance?”

Rose gaped in astonishment. This was a striking change to the endless teasing between them throughout the whole camp.

“Eh, umm, errr… Sure!”

She left the rest of their popcorn cone to Rey and followed Finn to the floor. Rey stuffed the final handful into her mouth as she watched them fold their hands around each other and lean in, first tentatively, then visibly relaxing and closing their eyes in enjoyment.

Rey crushed the empty popcorn cone in her fist and gritted her teeth. Then she slammed the crushed paper into the closest rubbish bin and stomped across the dance floor to Ben.

She had had a litany of insults on her mind that she had wanted to pour at him, but once she was in front of him in the dim lightning, without Rose’s reassuring presence, it became suddenly hard to say anything. They only stared at each other in silence for a moment, until she took a deep breath and a step closer.

“Fine. I’ll dance with you. With one condition: never ask anything from me through Finn again. Ok?”

This was probably the first time she saw Ben smile, at least in this way. Throughout the camp, he had stuck to a selection of wicked grimaces. But now, his whole face softened into a wholehearted smile, revealing slightly crooked teeth and – gosh – would it be even possible to count his dimples?

Rey felt her stomach twist again, and harder, as he nodded and they moved just a few steps towards the other dancers. They wrapped their hands around each other’s waists and Rey turned her head so that she could lean her cheek on his chest.

He smelled like sea water and sweat, just like she was guessing she smelled herself, too. She had imagined how this would feel like and convinced herself that it would be disgusting. But now that it was really happening, it was intriguing enough to make her ready to do this all night.

She made a couple of tentative trials of leaning more on him. He responded to those by holding her tighter, which felt so good that she stopped holding back completely and let her body melt against his, softly humming along with Backstreet Boys.

_Show me the meaning of being lonely_

_Is this the feeling I need to walk with?_

_Tell me why I can't be there where you are_

_There's something missing in my heart_

Ben could feel the vibration of Rey’s humming through their clothes. It sent flutters through his whole body, and he could not resist sliding one hand up her spine and around her upper back, just to feel more of her while he had a chance. The song would end soon and then she would probably go back to her normal self, which always was hostile towards him. So subtly that he hoped she would not notice, he bent his head down so that his nose could cautiously brush the softness of her hair. She smelled like sea water and a sweet tone of sweat.

The song ended but, wonder of wonders, she did not pull away. Instead, she kept her arms around him, looked up and smiled. He silently blamed the spell of her eyes for delving his fingers into her hair and brushing his thumb over her jaw and ear. But instead of resisting, she leaned into his touch and closed her eyes. Ben threw out all hesitation and kissed her.

Or kiss was what he aimed for. In practice, he rather just smashed his face on hers. But it felt thrilling to be so close, and she probably felt it, too, because her lips turned into a smile against his.

Then he noticed how awesome it felt to brush his mouth sideways over hers and then, somehow, his lower lip dropped between Rey’s lips. She took her time sucking it and studying it with her tongue before letting it go with a smack that made them both laugh. That demanded more experimental kisses, which was how they spent most of the remaining evening.


	10. Earth, part 2

“Is this yours?”

Ben held up a sock that had most probably originally been white.

“Ah, yes!” Finn took the sock from Ben and entwined it together with its pair before stuffing it into his laundry bag. “Mom would go mad if I’d bring any of these back without a pair.”

He closed the laundry bag and tried to push it deeper into his backpack.

“Fuck, how did all this stuff fit in on the way here?”

“Want some help?”

Ben pushed the contents of Finn’s backpack down with his whole weight while he worked on the closing strap. Eventually, all the contents stayed inside.

“You done with packing?” Finn asked.

“Yeah…” Ben glanced at his full backpack and then back at Finn.

His friend was clearly up for a favour. That was how he always was. No matter how mad he might sometimes get at Ben, he was probably the fastest person in the universe to forgive and go back to his normal friendly and helpful ways.

It would be so easy to ask it now. Just one simple thing and Finn would probably do it. Ben wanted Rey’s address and phone number, and Finn would be so much better at asking for those. He was natural and casual with girls, always confident and coming up with exactly the right words. For Ben, the only interaction that came naturally was teasing, and this time it could not be a solution.

Finn raised his eyebrows, as if realising that Ben was contemplating something. But he had promised Rey. That the next thing he would ask from her directly. And last night, when she had still been in his arms, he had felt certain that he would have no problem carrying it out.

Everything had felt so natural when they sat out on the warm rocks by the sea that glowed with the turquoise gleam of dinoflagellates. There seemed to be nothing in her to be afraid of when they made out until late night that softly dimmed but never turned completely dark. But now, in the full light of day, it seemed to have turned impossible again to even approach her.

He had seen Rey from afar already a few times this morning. She had first smiled at him, a kind of radiant smile that had only made him more nervous. He had quickly saved himself by looking away. After a couple of repetitions of that, Rey had turned indifferent.

He had possibly already screwed everything up by making her think that yesterday night had been only a passing thing. Or worse, it had been just that for her. He really needed Finn’s help now…

Ben forced himself to shake his head and shoulder his backpack.

Outside, the parking area was already full of cars with parents swarming out. He quickly spotted his own, chatting with Finn’s parents and Chewie close to their car. As soon as they reached them, both Ben and Finn were quickly buried in hugs that they only halfheartedly tried to resist.

“We missed you so much! Did you have fun? Did you have enough clothes?”

Ben kept nodding to his mother’s questions while searching for Rey with his eyes. He saw her by the edge of the parking area, hugging her own parents. _Fuck_ , he thought to himself as they turned towards their car. This was his last chance.

He left his backpack to his father and ran to Rey's family. He tapped her shoulder and she turned, smiling at him but only tentatively, mixed with confusion. The curious looks from her parents did not make it any easier, but somehow he had to get it out of his mouth to fix everything.

“Rey… Errr… Can I… Can I write to you?”

Those simple words worked like magic. Rey’s whole face lit up in an adorable grin.

“Of course.”

He had carried a piece of paper and a pen in his pocket the whole morning for this purpose. But now that he passed those to Rey, they found out that the paper was all crumpled and the pen did not work. After watching a few attempts to resuscitate the pen, Rey’s father dug into the glovebox of their car and produced a whole notebook and a functioning pen.

Like it was the most natural thing to do on Earth, Rey took those, scribbled her address and phone number on a page, ripped it out and gave it to Ben. He folded it into his pocket and kept his hand around it like it was a small treasure. Only when Rey kept nudging the notebook and pen towards him did he realise to pick it up and write his own address and phone number for her.

Rey took it and, without caring about her parents watching, rose up on her toes and kissed him on the cheek.

“Bye, Ben.” She waved her hand and sat down in the car.

“Bye, Rey.”

At home, when Ben looked up Rey’s address in the phone book, he noticed that he would not have to only write. She lived in the same town, close enough for him to reach by bike. And already the following day, he called her.

* * *

Rey turned her head to the side for a hug. Then she reached her hand up to brush back a silky strand of dark hair. How long had he been this tall?

Ben hugged him right after her so that she could observe them from the side. Yes, Paul was as tall as Ben. And he might still grow a bit, possibly reaching Ben’s original size. She smiled to herself and walked to the kitchen.

“Do you want some tea and apple pie?” Ben asked as they followed her.

“Is it vegan?” Paul asked.

“Errr… Rey, do you remember what's in there?”

“Just apples and sugar and flour and butter and spices.”

“Butter’s from cows, Grandma.”

“Fuck, Rey, we forgot…”

“Ben, don’t swear when Paul's here.”

“He’s practically an adult. Aren’t you?”

Paul hurried to nod eagerly. “It’s ok, just tea is fine.”

“I’m sure we have something… Ben, can you check the top shelf?”

Ben opened a kitchen cupboard and started slowly moving packages in the front row of the top shelf. He saw a glimpse of a cookie package but it had slipped so far to the back that he could not quite reach it.

“Fuck…” he muttered to himself as he tried to reach his hand higher despite his back protesting.

“Let me do that, Grandpa.”

Paul was quickly in front of the cupboard, on his toes and easily reaching the cookies down from the shelf. He examined the list of ingredients. It had several things like palm oil and inverted syrup, which he knew his mother would not like him to eat. But it had nothing from animals, so he took it to the table, picked one cookie to his hand and was rewarded by a delighted smile from his grandmother. Next, she poured tea into their cups and they all sat down.

“How’s school?” Rey asked.

“It’s fine, I think. I’m done with the finals but didn’t get any results yet. Now I’m using most of the time to study for the entrance exams.”

“Where are you applying?” Ben leaned forward in curiosity.

“To study marine biology.”

“Awww!” Rey sighed with excitement. “Have I ever told you that we met with Grandpa at a marine biology summer camp?”

“Yeah, a few times.”

“Oh, have I?” Rey took a confused sip of tea but came to the conclusion that there must be details she had not told yet. “Can you believe he made Uncle Finn ask me to dance with him in the camp disco?”

“It _worked_ ”, Ben pointed out.

“Don’t give him ideas.” Rey tried to look serious. “It only worked because…”

She paused when she glanced at Paul again. He looked just like Ben at his age. He could be a cosmic jerk and girls would still fall for him, at least girls who were anything like what she had been.

“Never mind”, she finished. “It was eighty years ago. Do you know he used to have dark hair just like you?”

“Well, I’ve seen pictures.”

Paul nipped a bite of his cookie. Now that his grandmother had brought up this story again, he remembered there was something he had never asked about it.

“How come you never made a career out of it?”

“Biology? Life just went other ways”, Ben explained. “But if you do and you like it, we’ll be really happy for you.”

“We kept it as a hobby, though”, Rey added. “We traveled many times to go diving or volunteering for research ships, until your mother was born.”

Ben chuckled at the memory. “Yeah… We tried taking her snorkeling a few times, but she never really got excited about it. You know, she was always more into machines than corals or plankton.”

“We still have some appliances that don’t work since she scavenged some critical parts.” Rey scanned the kitchen cupboards with a loving smile on her face.

That made Paul frown. “Why don’t you take them to recycling? I can do it for you.”

“Mmm, yes, why don’t we?” Ben laid a gentle hand on Rey’s wrist and stroke the back of her hand with his thumb. “We don’t do anything with those and there could still be useful parts in them.”

“Over my dead body.” Rey pulled her hand away from his and lifted up a finger. “They are memories.”

Ben met Paul’s eyes in amusement, and they dropped that conversation.

After Paul left, they were happily exhausted, just as usual after having guests. They snuggled in their bed for a nap, and Rey sank her fingers into Ben’s grey mop of hair, stroked a few times and kissed his cheek.

“I love you”, she whispered in his ear.

He turned his head to look into her eyes and ran a fingertip softly down her nose.

“It’s quite obvious, sweetheart.”

She giggled, just like eighty years had suddenly fallen off her.

“I still like saying it.”

He took her hand and squeezed it against his chest.

“I like saying it, too. I love you.”

They kissed and fell asleep for most of what was left of the afternoon.

When Rey woke up, she nuzzled her face against Ben’s shoulder. But something seemed off. She slipped a hand on his stomach and started drawing slow circles, which usually woke him up. When nothing happened, she stopped her hand over his chest and noticed what was off: no breathing.

Alarmed, she sat up to have a look. Ben’s breathing was gone, heartbeat gone, and his face had steadied in a single expression of a subtle, peaceful smile. In the middle of a rush of emotions, it calmed her down.

She stayed there for a while, stroking his face and shedding a few tentative tears. Then she reached for her phone on the nightstand.

“Hello, Mom!” Jaya picked up with her usual cheerfulness.

“Hello…”

“Is everything alright?”

It sounded like just one word had made her worry. Suddenly, it was difficult for Rey to form the words. She opened and closed her mouth several times without quite knowing what to say.

“Mom?”

“Dad is gone.”

“Really? How? Paul just told…”

“Yes, he was fine, apart from just, of course, old… Now it just happened, in his sleep. It seems…”

Her voice broke into tears and, for a while, they both cried.

“Do you want me to come over?” Jaya asked.

“Can you come tomorrow? I need some time alone with him.”

“Sure, I’ll be there in the morning.”

“Thank you. And don’t worry. What I meant to say is that it seems, he looks happy, content. And I know that’s what he has been, for a long time. That’s what we’ve both been, really. And especially about you. It’s really been everything for us to see you happy. I know he’d want you to know that, Jaya.”

“I know. He’s been telling that in his own way. You both have. I’m sure. It’s just… hard to even imagine him not being there anymore.”

“No one’s ever really gone.”

They were silent for a moment as they both dried their tears.

“I’ll see you tomorrow”, Rey said.

“Yes, see you tomorrow, take care, Mom.”

“Take care, Jaya.”

Rey spent the evening by Ben’s side, feeling his body grow gradually colder and stiffer and going through every memory she could gather of the decades they had spent together. She spoke about those to him and laughed and cried aloud when something moved her.

When she arrived to the time of Jaya growing up, she stood up and made her way to the kitchen to browse the cupboards. She was sure that the top ones were loaded with all sorts of treasures, but those were out of her reach now.

But when she moved a few things aside from the front of a mid-level shelf, she found an electric whipper they had not used in probably forty years. When she held its surprisingly light weight, she remembered the reason: its motor was missing. She walked back to the bed and showed it to Ben.

“Do you remember this? We didn’t even understand what the project was that Jaya took the motor for. But her eyes were shining, so beautifully. It was worth all the whipped cream we missed afterwards.”

She put the whipper down on the nightstand and a flush of grief made her tremble.

“I already miss you, Ben. I loved you so much. Sometimes I thought that maybe this was not our first lifetime together. Because you always seemed to get me like nobody else. Or maybe I had been searching for you over many lifetimes. I don’t know if there even is such a thing. But at least in this life, I really, truly found a home.”

She cuddled next to his body, holding the inside of his elbow with her hand and leaning her cheek on his shoulder. Silent tears wetted the pillow as she drifted into sleep.

By morning, her tears had dried and, when Jaya came in, she found both her parents dead. She sat next to them on the bed overcome by grief. But something about the way they were cuddled together, both ever so slightly smiling, gave her comfort and a sense of deep peace.

Jaya leaned over them and reached for an electric whipper on the nightstand. As she took it in her hand and marveled at its light weight, she remembered how she had scavenged the motor to enhance her soapbox racer car. Her friends had been furious when finding out that she had used a motor in a soapbox racer, but it had all been worth it, just to prove that she could do it.

She broke into a mixture of laughter and tears when she realized that her parents had stored the non-functioning whipper for forty years and, for some inconceivable reason, had it next to them when they died. She would have to take it to recycling, just like probably tons of other things from this house. But that could wait as she first concentrated on laughing and crying her heart out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's that, eighty years of happiness after so many star-crossed lifetimes? Would be great to read a comment if you enjoyed :D


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